Author Joshua Skurtu

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The Android's Guide to NaNoWriMo

A Journey of 50,000 Words I love an impossible challenge. Some of the hardest things to achieve not only give the biggest rewards, but the journey alone can many times be satisfying. To a writer, one of the biggest challenges one can attempt is to write a novel to completion. It’s a long and arduous process that many people fail at. And one of the most insane ways of writing a novel is to join NaNoWriMo and write the entire thing in a month. Yes, the goal is to write a novel in a month. Crazy, right? Write a novel in a month? Only a lunatic would attempt that. Yeah, I'm going to do that... For those of you that don’t know what NaNoWriMo is, it stands for National Novel Writing Month, and it takes place every November. The goal is to write a 50,000-word novel in a single month. I have attempted it three times and though I did not win every time, I still got a lot out of it, and I made it to at least 40K words each time I participated. There are write-ins in person, chat...

How I Met Jim Jefferies in a Reclining Lawn Chair

Until I met Jim Jefferies last year, I had never met a celebrity face to face and just like everything else in my life, it couldn’t be simple and it definitely had to be awkward. I did not expect to meet the man, but somehow it ended up happening. I met Jim Jefferies a few weeks after my thoracic dissection surgery in the summer of 2017, and to be quite honest I wasn’t doing too well. Trust me, this is relevant to the story. The incision from the surgery was in the middle of my back between my shoulder blades, so any time I laid down or sat down it caused intense pain. That part of your back touches everything. Because of a bad experience after the surgery where I think I was overdosed with Dilaudid (That’s a long story that involved a kinked IV), I refused to take any opioid painkillers. I also didn’t want to be on them again, because they always made me feel like a zombie in the past. Yes, I had to take a photo when he came out. I have no shame. So at this point, maybe f...

Bridal Shower Back Massagers

This post might get messy, but life does that. Avoid at all costs. My soon-to-be-ex-wife Angela is a sex therapist. This has always brought a great source of comedy into my life, and at times a lot of awkwardness. A few months back, Angela and I were discussing what gift to give her sister for her bridal shower. “You should get her a sex toy,” I told her. “They are getting married. They might need one.” “I can’t,” she said. “It’s my sister! It’s being thrown by her church.” “So what?” I said. “You’re a marriage therapist and a sex therapist. People expect you to give her one.” “Yeah, you’re right,” she said. I let out a sigh of ecstasy at having heard my favorite sentence. Oh, it’s the best sentence ever. “You know I love hearing that.” “You're so stupid. But it is a bridal shower,” she continued. “I guess you’re supposed to give that kind of gift.” It took a few hours to ferment. All great ideas must fester at the front of the cerebral cortex, growing like a...

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